Clemenz With a ”Z” Podcast

After sharing the story about my son’s pink sparkly Vans, I thought I was done talking about it—but turns out, I’m not. In this follow-up, I dive deeper into where all this fear around colors and self-expression really comes from. I talk about protection, insecurity, parenting, and the moments that still mess with me as a dad. And yeah, I bring up those pastors and dude bros who keep pushing the same tired messages. But more than anything, this is about choosing presence over fear, and building kids up from the inside. Especially with Father’s Day around the corner, it felt right to keep this conversation going.
If today’s conversation stirred something in you—whether you’re a parent, a former kid who got teased for wearing the wrong color, or someone just trying to unlearn the fear you were handed—just know you’re not alone.
These stories matter. Your story matters.
And I’m grateful you’re here, doing the work with me.
You can reach me at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com or shoot me a DM on Instagram at the Clemenz With a Z podcast page.
If you’re enjoying the podcast, please take a moment to rate and review. It helps more people find their way to these conversations, and maybe find a little peace, too.
And if you’d like to support the show,you can donate at gofund.me/7ebb0524,or grab something meaningful from clemenzwithaz.comto help keep this space alive.
 

In this episode, I’m reflecting on something that’s been stirring in me for a while—the idea that we’re not as important as we think we are. And that’s not a bad thing. I’m talking about the quiet, humbling truth that while we’re not the center of the universe, we’re still part of something much bigger and more beautiful. Drawing from contemplative spirituality, the natural world, and even the teachings of Jesus, I explore how true significance isn’t about standing above everything—it’s about finding our place within it. If you’ve ever felt like you had to be spectacular to be worthy, I hope this helps you breathe a little deeper and find your spot in the chorus.
If this episode stirred something in you—if it helped you feel less alone, more grounded, or even just a little more okay with not being the center of the universe—I’d love to hear that, too. You can reach me at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com or DM me on Instagram at the Clemenz With a Z podcast page.
As always, if you enjoy the podcast, please rate and review—it helps others find these stories and this space.
And don’t forget: I’m just a channel. I ain’t the source.
If you’d like to support the podcast financially, you can follow this link: https://gofund.me/7ebb0524
Or head to clemenzwithaz.com and grab a sticker or something cool from the shop—every little bit helps keep this going, and I’m truly grateful for it.

In this episode of Clemenz With a Z, I’m doing something I haven’t done in a while: I’m talking about the good. Specifically, I’m sharing about the camp I grew up going to "The Swamp".  This was the one place in my time in the church that truly felt like a safe space. A place where I was seen and heard, where I could be my weird, creative self without fear. This story isn’t just about camp—it’s about the power of being seen, the impact of adults who show up for kids, and the importance of creating those pockets of light in a world that can feel so dark. I hope you’ll sit with me as I unpack it, and maybe find a little bit of light and hope for yourself along the way.
Thank you for your support of Clemenz With a Z. Your support and your willingness to sit with these stories means the world to me—it helps keep these important conversations going. If you’re a member, were a member, or know someone who was part of the ICOC or ICC and you’d like to share your story, I’d love to hear from you. You can reach out at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com or send me a DM on Instagram.
And as always—if this episode resonated with you, please consider leaving a rating or a review. It helps more people find these conversations.
If you’d like to support the podcast financially, you can follow this link: https://gofund.me/7ebb0524
Or head to clemenzwithaz.com and grab a sticker or something cool from the shop—every little bit helps keep this going, and I’m truly grateful for it.
Until next time—remember: there is light, even in the dark places. And sometimes, it starts with one person showing up and saying, “I see you.” Peace.

This episode starts with a viral Instagram reel that’s been stuck in my head for days. In it, a pastor watches a video of a mom sharing how her son—just four or five years old—picked out a pink backpack. You hear the dad in the background, upset about it, saying he needs something more “boyish.” The pastor looks at the camera and says, “This is why we need dads.”But what does that really mean?Because when I hear that line, I don’t just hear a statement—I hear an old, familiar fear. A fear I’ve felt myself. A fear that showed up one day in a shoe store, when my own son reached for a pair of pink sparkly Vans and I almost steered him away.In this episode, I’m wrestling with that fear—the one that tells us to shrink, to hide, to protect our kids from the world instead of protecting what’s good in them. I’m talking about what color really means, how it’s never just about a backpack or a pair of shoes, and what kind of dad I actually want to be.It’s a conversation about masculinity, shame, freedom—and the healing we’re still called to do.
If today’s conversation stirred something in you—whether you’re a parent, a former kid who got teased for wearing the wrong color, or someone just trying to unlearn the fear you were handed—just know you’re not alone.
These stories matter. Your story matters.
And I’m grateful you’re here, doing the work with me.
You can reach me at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com or shoot me a DM on Instagram at the Clemenz With a Z podcast page.
If you’re enjoying the podcast, please take a moment to rate and review. It helps more people find their way to these conversations, and maybe find a little peace, too.
And if you’d like to support the show,you can donate at gofund.me/7ebb0524,or grab something meaningful from clemenzwithaz.comto help keep this space alive.

In this episode of Clemenz With a Z, I take a hard look at how fear-based faith and the obsession with the afterlife can steal the present from us—how it turns life into a constant performance instead of a real, lived experience. Using a gut-punch line from Frank Turner—“If you’re all about the destination, then take a fucking flight”—I unpack how Jesus’ own teachings and presence call us back to the moment, to the street, to the beauty of now. This isn’t about throwing away faith—it’s about reclaiming it from the systems that make it all about tomorrow, so we can finally start living today.
Thank you for tuning in to this episode of Clemenz With a Z. If this stirred something in you—if you’re beginning to question the constant striving, the obsession with the afterlife, or the idea that you have to earn your worth—I just want you to know: you're not alone.
I’ve been there. And I’m still here, learning what it means to stop performing and start being.To believe that maybe presence is the point.That maybe the Kingdom really is already within us.
If you're a member, were a member, or know someone who was part of the ICOC or ICC and wants to share your story—especially around what it felt like to live under all that pressure—please reach out. You can email me at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com, or send me a DM on Instagram at the Clemenz With a Z podcast page. I'd love to hear from you.
If you’re enjoying the podcast, please take a moment to rate and review. It helps more people find their way to these conversations, and maybe find a little peace, too.
And if you’d like to support the show,you can donate at gofund.me/7ebb0524,or grab something meaningful from clemenzwithaz.comto help keep this space alive.
Until next time, take care of yourself.Slow down.Be here.And remember:I’m just a channel. I ain’t the source.
Peace.

This is a symbolic story about the faith I inherited, what it gave me, what it took from me, and the weight it carried. Told through the metaphor of a backpack, it reflects the journey of growing up believing I had everything I needed, only to discover that much of what I was carrying wasn’t mine to begin with.
At first, the backpack made me feel safe. Certain. Part of something bigger. But as I got older, it began to hurt, physically, emotionally, spiritually. The tools stopped working. The answers didn’t fit. And yet, I kept carrying it, because I was told I had to.
This piece is about the quiet moment when that changed. When I set it down. When I looked inside. When I finally asked: What have I been carrying all this time?
For anyone who’s ever inherited belief, identity, or expectation without being asked, this is for you.
If this story stirred something in you, if you’ve ever felt the weight of something you didn’t choose,if you’ve ever questioned what you were handed and wondered what was really yours, just know:you’re not alone.
I carried it too.For a long time.And I’m still learning what to let go of, what to hold on to,and how to walk with my own breath in my lungs.
If you want to reach out, share your story, or just connect,you can email me at clemenzwithaz@gmail.comor DM me on Instagram at Clemenz With a Z.
If this story meant something to you,it would mean a lot if you’d rate and review the podcast,it helps other folks who are carrying their own heavy packs find their way here too.
And if you’d like to support the show,you can donate at gofund.me/7ebb0524,or grab something meaningful from clemenzwithaz.comto help keep this space alive.
Until next time, set it down if you need to.Breathe deep.And remember:you get to choose what you carry now.
Peace.

In this episode of Clemenz With a Z, I sit down with Emma for a powerful conversation in the We Were in a Cult? series. Emma was born into the ICOC—raised as a Kingdom Kid by parents who helped plant churches overseas and in the U.S. For her, the church wasn’t something she joined; it was the world she inherited. We talk about what it means to grow up in a high-control religious environment, how deeply it shapes your sense of identity and worth, and the long, painful process of untangling truth from fear. Emma’s story is honest, reflective, and deeply relatable for anyone who has ever questioned the system they were raised in. This episode is for the ones still processing, still healing, and still learning how to trust their own voice again.
If you are a member, were a member, or know someone who was a member of the ICOC or ICC and would like to share your story about life in and out of the church, I’d love to hear from you. Together, we can continue exploring the question, “We were in a cult?”—and perhaps find some healing along the way. You can reach me via email at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com, or send me a DM on Instagram at the Clemenz With a Z podcast page.
As always, if you enjoy the podcast, please rate and review—it helps more people find these stories. And don’t forget: I’m just a channel, I ain’t the source.
If you’d like to support the podcast financially please follow this link: https://gofund.me/7ebb0524
Also—if you’d like to support the podcast financially, you can head over to clemenzwithaz.com and grab a sticker or something cool from the shop. Every little bit helps keep this going, and I’m so grateful for it.
Until next time, take care of yourself, stay grateful, and keep growing. Peace!

Trigger Warning: This episode contains discussion of sexual trauma, spiritual manipulation, family dynamics, and feelings of violation. Please listen with care.
In this powerful and honest conversation, I sit down with Ari, host of The Disallusioned Podcast. Ari shares her journey through two different high-control religious environments—growing up in a strict evangelical space and later becoming involved in a cult as an adult. We talk about the lasting impact of spiritual control, what it takes to walk away, and the ongoing work of healing and reclaiming your story. This episode is not easy, but it is real—and I’m so grateful to Ariel for her vulnerability and strength in telling it. Be sure to check out more of her story and the important work she’s doing over on The DisallusionedPodcast, available wherever you get your podcasts
Huge thanks to Ari for joining me and sharing so openly. If you want to hear more of her story, be sure to check out her podcast, The Disallusioned Podcast, available wherever you get your podcasts. She’s doing some powerful work over there, and I’m honored to have had her here.
If you are a member, were a member, or know someone who was a member of the ICOC or ICC and would like to share your story about life in and out of the church, I’d love to hear from you. Together, we can continue exploring the question, “We were in a cult?”—and maybe, just maybe, find some healing along the way. You can reach me via email at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com or send me a DM on Instagram at the Clemenz With a Z podcast page.
As always, if you enjoy the podcast, please rate and review—it helps more people find these stories. And don’t forget: I’m just a channel, I ain’t the source.
If you want to support the show financially, follow this link: https://gofund.me/7ebb0524. or snag something cool from clemenzwithaz.com to help keep the fire lit.
Until next time, take care of yourself, stay grateful, and keep growing. Peace.