Clemenz With a ”Z” Podcast

EP 236 The Question In The Backseat: On Sacred Questions, Small Hands, and the Emotional World We Build Around Faith

A few days ago, my son climbed into the backseat after school holding a small Jesus figurine. He turned it over in his hands for a few quiet minutes, and then, completely out of nowhere asked me: "Why did Jesus die?" I laughed. Then I felt the weight of it. Because for a lot of us who grew up in evangelical or high-control religious spaces, that question was never simple. It carried fear, guilt, and a framework we absorbed long before we were old enough to examine it. In this episode, I talk about how I answered him, the answer I chose not to give, and what hit me a few days later, the realization that mattered more than getting the theology right.
If this episode meant something to you, I’d love it if you’d take a second to like, subscribe, and leave a review, it really helps more people find the show.
You can head over to clemenzwithaz.com to grab something from the shop and help support the podcast. If you'd rather just drop a few bucks to keep this work going, you can do that through the GoFundMe link here:  https://gofund.me/7ebb0524 every bit helps.
And if you’re looking for more reflection, honesty, and spiritual wrestling, check out my Substack:Devotionals for the Deconstructing & Disillusioned, it’s a space for people who still have soul, but no longer fit in the boxes they were handed.
Thanks for being here.

EP 235 The Messy Middle: On Certainty, Complexity, and the Strange Freedom of Not Having It All Figured Out

I've ended every episode of Clemenz With a 'Z' with the same line for years:  'thanks for being a part of this messy middle with me.' It became such a reflex that I stopped asking myself what I actually meant by it.
This episode is my honest answer. And if you've ever left a system, a church, a belief structure, a tribe and found yourself wondering why you can't seem to land anywhere clean, this one is for you. The messy middle isn't a problem to solve. It might actually be the most honest place you've ever lived.
If something in this conversation resonated with you, I’d love to hear from you. You can email me at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com, or send me a DM over on Instagram at @clemenzwithazpodcast.
If you want to support the podcast financially, you can head over to ClemenzWithAZ.com, there’s a merch store there with shirts, stickers, all kinds of stuff. 
And if you’re looking for something a little more regular, check out my Substack: Devotions for the Disillusioned & Deconstructing. That’s where I share short reflections, devotionals, and some extra behind-the-scenes thoughts that don’t always make it onto the podcast.
And of course, the best way you can support the show is by subscribing, rating, and leaving a review wherever you listen to podcasts. Share it with a friend, post it on your socials, drop it in a group chat, it all helps more than you know.
This podcast keeps going because of listeners like you showing up, engaging, and passing it on. So thank you for being here, for listening, and for being part of this messy middle with me.
Until next time, take care of yourselves, and each other.

EP 234 The Sting in the Hug: What Happens When Men Are Taught to Fear Tenderness

This episode of Clemenz With a “Z” started with a story that honestly stopped me in my tracks: a pastor introducing another pastor from the pulpit by mocking his rental car as “a little gay.” But the deeper I sat with it, the more I realized this wasn’t really about a Prius, or even one awkward church moment. It was about the systems so many men have been raised inside, systems that teach us to fear tenderness, police closeness, and perform strength at the expense of real connection.
In this episode, I explore masculinity, emotional safety, church culture, brotherhood, purity culture, and the quiet loneliness so many men carry underneath the performance. I also reflect on my own experience growing up in the ICOC, the complicated beauty of male friendship inside high-control environments, and the example my father gave me of a different kind of manhood—one rooted not in fear, but presence.
If something in this conversation resonated with you, I’d love to hear from you. You can email me at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com, or send me a DM over on Instagram at @clemenzwithazpodcast.
If you want to support the podcast financially, you can head over to ClemenzWithAZ.com, there’s a merch store there with shirts, stickers, all kinds of stuff. You can also donate directly through the GoFundMe, the link’s in the show notes. Every bit goes a long way in helping me keep these conversations going.
And if you’re looking for something a little more regular, check out my Substack: Devotions for the Disillusioned & Deconstructing. That’s where I share short reflections, devotionals, and some extra behind-the-scenes thoughts that don’t always make it onto the podcast.
And of course, the best way you can support the show is by subscribing, rating, and leaving a review wherever you listen to podcasts. Share it with a friend, post it on your socials, drop it in a group chat, it all helps more than you know.
This podcast keeps going because of listeners like you showing up, engaging, and passing it on. So thank you for being here, for listening, and for being part of this messy middle with me.
Until next time, take care of yourselves, and each other.

EP 233 Not Back. Somewhere New: On Reconstruction, Permission, and the Wreckage We Leave Behind

This episode started as a Substack article I wrote after receiving a text message that hit something deeper in me than I expected. What began as a reflection on reconstruction and deconstruction slowly became something bigger, a conversation about fear, belonging, external validation, nervous systems, and what it means to rebuild a spiritual life on your own terms after leaving a high-control environment.
In this episode, I unpack the pressure to “pick a side,” the reflex to explain yourself, the exhaustion of having your journey policed by both religious and deconstruction spaces, and the slow realization that maybe healing isn’t about “coming back” at all. Maybe it’s about learning how to stand in something new, something you chose honestly for yourself.
If something in this conversation resonated with you, I’d love to hear from you. You can email me at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com, or send me a DM over on Instagram at @clemenzwithazpodcast.
If you want to support the podcast financially, you can head over to ClemenzWithAZ.com, there’s a merch store there with shirts, stickers, all kinds of stuff. You can also donate directly through the GoFundMe, the link’s in the show notes. Every bit goes a long way in helping me keep these conversations going.
And if you’re looking for something a little more regular, check out my Substack: Devotions for the Disillusioned & Deconstructing. That’s where I share short reflections, devotionals, and some extra behind-the-scenes thoughts that don’t always make it onto the podcast.
And of course, the best way you can support the show is by subscribing, rating, and leaving a review wherever you listen to podcasts. Share it with a friend, post it on your socials, drop it in a group chat, it all helps more than you know.
This podcast keeps going because of listeners like you showing up, engaging, and passing it on. So thank you for being here, for listening, and for being part of this messy middle with me.
Until next time, take care of yourselves, and each other.

EP 232 The Six Questions: What third graders know about reading that most Bible readers were never taught

Most of us were quietly trained to hand the Bible over to the experts, to sit in the pew, absorb the sermon, and trust that the people with the seminary degrees had it figured out. But here's the thing: the tools for reading any text responsibly aren't locked inside a degree program.
They're the same six questions we hand to eight-year-olds in language arts class:  who, what, when, where, why, and how. In this episode, I walk through all six and show what actually happens when you apply them to some of the most quoted verses in evangelical culture. This isn't about dismantling your faith. It's about reading more honestly, and discovering that the texts are far more interesting, and far more alive, when you actually slow down long enough to understand what you're reading.
This originally was a Substack article that I wrote where I go into more detail as well as add some cool takeaways.  If interested, you can check it out here:  https://clemenzwithaz.substack.com/p/the-six-questions-an-elementary-approach?r=3leo1r
If something in this conversation resonated with you, I’d love to hear from you. You can email me at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com, or send me a DM over on Instagram at @clemenzwithazpodcast.
If you want to support the podcast financially, you can head over to ClemenzWithAZ.com, there’s a merch store there with shirts, stickers, all kinds of stuff. You can also donate directly through the GoFundMe, the link’s in the show notes. Every bit goes a long way in helping me keep these conversations going.
And if you’re looking for something a little more regular, check out my Substack: Devotions for the Disillusioned & Deconstructing. That’s where I share short reflections, devotionals, and some extra behind-the-scenes thoughts that don’t always make it onto the podcast.
And of course, the best way you can support the show is by subscribing, rating, and leaving a review wherever you listen to podcasts. Share it with a friend, post it on your socials, drop it in a group chat, it all helps more than you know.
This podcast keeps going because of listeners like you showing up, engaging, and passing it on. So thank you for being here, for listening, and for being part of this messy middle with me.
Until next time, take care of yourselves, and each other.

EP 231: Big Ideas, Small Readings: What a single verse, a men's ministry book, and your Instagram feed have in common

There's a pattern worth naming, one that shows up in sermons, in bestselling books, and honestly, in the way most of us consume content every day.
We take something small: a verse, a phrase, a post, a moment, and we build something enormous on top of it. In this episode, I'm looking at a popular men's ministry framework that anchors itself in a single line from First Corinthians "act like men" and asking what's actually there when you slow down long enough to look.
What we find raises questions that go way beyond biblical interpretation. Because whether it's a scripture or a scroll, the things we build our identity on deserve more than a surface read.
If something in this conversation resonated with you, I’d love to hear from you. You can email me at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com, or send me a DM over on Instagram at @clemenzwithazpodcast.
If you want to support the podcast financially, you can head over to ClemenzWithAZ.com, there’s a merch store there with shirts, stickers, all kinds of stuff. You can also donate directly through the GoFundMe, the link’s in the show notes. Every bit goes a long way in helping me keep these conversations going.
And if you’re looking for something a little more regular, check out my Substack: Devotions for the Disillusioned & Deconstructing. That’s where I share short reflections, devotionals, and some extra behind-the-scenes thoughts that don’t always make it onto the podcast.
And of course, the best way you can support the show is by subscribing, rating, and leaving a review wherever you listen to podcasts. Share it with a friend, post it on your socials, drop it in a group chat, it all helps more than you know.
This podcast keeps going because of listeners like you showing up, engaging, and passing it on. So thank you for being here, for listening, and for being part of this messy middle with me.
Until next time, take care of yourselves, and each other.

EP 230: We Were In a Cult? Sara and Lauren's Story

What's up y'all?  In this episode of “We Were In a Cult?” I was able to speak with sisters Sarah and Lauren, who were both raised inside the ICOC. Growing up in the same home, under the same beliefs and expectations, you might assume their experiences would be identical, but they weren’t. In this episode, we explore what it means to inherit a system rather than choose it, how language and identity get formed inside environments like this, and what it takes to begin questioning something that was never presented as optional.
It’s an honest and layered conversation about family, faith, and the complicated process of untangling your life from something that once defined it, while recognizing that it doesn’t all just disappear when you leave.
If you are a member, were a member, or know someone who was a member of the ICOC or ICC and would like to share your story about life in and out of the church, I’d love to hear from you. Together, we can continue exploring the question, “We were in a cult?” and perhaps find some healing along the way. You can reach me via email at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com, or send me a DM on Instagram at the Clemenz With a Z podcast page.
If you want to support the podcast financially, you can head over to ClemenzWithAZ.com, there’s a merch store there with shirts, stickers, all kinds of stuff. You can also donate directly through the GoFundMe, the link’s in the show notes. Every bit goes a long way in helping me keep these conversations going.
And if you’re looking for something a little more regular, check out my Substack: Devotions for the Disillusioned & Deconstructing. That’s where I share short reflections, devotionals, and some extra behind-the-scenes thoughts that don’t always make it onto the podcast.
And of course, the best way you can support the show is by subscribing, rating, and leaving a review wherever you listen to podcasts. Share it with a friend, post it on your socials, drop it in a group chat, it all helps more than you know.
This podcast keeps going because of listeners like you showing up, engaging, and passing it on. So thank you for being here, for listening, and for being part of this messy middle with me.
Until next time, take care of yourselves, and each other.

EP 229 Ten Extra Steps: A grocery store parking lot and the weight of small choices

There’s a moment most of us have experienced; standing in a parking lot, deciding whether to return a shopping cart or leave it behind. It’s small. Almost forgettable.
But the more I’ve paid attention to those moments, the more I’ve realized they might reveal something deeper about how we move through the world. In this episode, I start with a simple observation in a grocery store parking lot and follow it into something bigger, unseen people, invisible effort, and the quiet decisions we make when no one’s watching. This isn’t really about carts. It’s about the ten extra steps, and what they might say about who we’re becoming.
If something in this conversation resonated with you, I’d love to hear from you. You can email me at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com, or send me a DM over on Instagram at @clemenzwithazpodcast.
If you want to support the podcast financially, you can head over to ClemenzWithAZ.com, there’s a merch store there with shirts, stickers, all kinds of stuff. You can also donate directly through the GoFundMe, the link’s in the show notes. Every bit goes a long way in helping me keep these conversations going.
And if you’re looking for something a little more regular, check out my Substack: Devotions for the Disillusioned & Deconstructing. That’s where I share short reflections, devotionals, and some extra behind-the-scenes thoughts that don’t always make it onto the podcast.
And of course, the best way you can support the show is by subscribing, rating, and leaving a review wherever you listen to podcasts. Share it with a friend, post it on your socials, drop it in a group chat, it all helps more than you know.
This podcast keeps going because of listeners like you showing up, engaging, and passing it on. So thank you for being here, for listening, and for being part of this messy middle with me.
Until next time, take care of yourselves, and each other.