Clemenz With a ”Z” Podcast

EP 151 Praise, Profit, and Pyrotechnics: The Manufactured Sound of Modern Worship

When did worship music start to feel more like a concert than a connection? In this episode of Clemenz With a "Z," I dig into the weird, wild world of modern worship and Christian music—where flashing lights, fog machines, and booming bass lines often take center stage. I’m not here to tell you what’s right or wrong—I don’t have the answers. I just know something about it makes me uncomfortable, and I wanted to talk about it. From childhood memories of reverent hymns led by my dad to walking into churches that look more like concert arenas, I’m exploring how we got here... and what it supposed to be. Tune in, sit with the questions, and maybe even laugh a little as we unpack the line between heartfelt praise and full-blown production.
Thank you for tuning in to this episode of Clemenz With a Z. Your support means the world to me and helps keep these important conversations going.
If this episode resonated with you, challenged you, or just made you think differently about worship and Christian music, I’d love to hear your thoughts. Conversations like these aren’t about being ‘right’—they’re about being honest.
You can reach me via email at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com or send me a DM on Instagram at the Clemenz With a Z podcast page.
If you enjoy the podcast, please consider rating and reviewing—it helps more people find these stories and join the conversation. And remember:
I’m just a channel... I ain’t the source.
If you would like to support the podcast financially please follow this link: https://gofund.me/7ebb0524
Every bit helps me keep bringing you these conversations.
Until next time—take care of yourself, be kind to your story, and keep asking the hard questions.
Peace.

EP 150 This Was Supposed To Be The Place #1: I was In a Cult

After everything I have heard, after recounting my own life and the lives of others, I can finally say it—yes, this was and is a cult. It’s hard to say, and for some, it’s hard to hear. But naming it gives me power over it. It makes healing possible. This is just the beginning. In Clemenz With a Z, I will continue unpacking my experiences in the ICOC through a new series of episodes titled This Was Supposed to Be the Place. In these, I’ll dive deep into purity culture, fear-based control, and the lasting impact on identity, faith, and trust. If you have a story to share, I’d love to hear from you. You’re not alone. Let’s keep this conversation going.
I reference Steve Hassan's BITE model in this episode.  If you would like to learn more, you can check out a couple of his books here:
https://a.co/d/5RQ3Vbl
or here:
https://a.co/d/7kFVPXs
Thank you for tuning in to this episode of Clemenz With a Z. Your support means the world to me and helps keep these important conversations going.
I know that for some, this was hard to hear. It was hard to say. But the truth matters, and naming our experiences matters. Healing doesn’t happen overnight, and it doesn’t happen alone.
If you are a member, were a member, or know someone who was a member of the ICOC or ICC and would like to share your story about life in and out of the church, I’d love to hear from you. Together, we can continue exploring the question, “We were in a cult?”—and perhaps find some healing along the way. You can reach me via email at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com, or send me a DM on Instagram at the Clemenz With a Z podcast page.
As always, if you enjoy the podcast, please rate and review—it helps more people find these stories. And don’t forget: I’m just a channel, I ain’t the source.
If you would like to support the podcast financially please follow this link: https://gofund.me/7ebb0524
Until next time, take care of yourself, be kind to your story, and keep growing. Peace!

EP 149 I asked my wife: "I was in a cult?"

Was I in a cult? That’s the question I’m exploring in this episode of Clemenz With a 'Z', but this time, I’m not answering it alone.
For this conversation, I’m sitting down with someone who has had a front-row seat to my entire journey—my wife, Carly. Unlike me, Carly didn’t grow up in a high-control religious group. She never had to question whether leaving a church meant leaving God. But she did witness me navigate that journey. In this episode, we talk about those first couple of years in our relationship—when I was fresh out of the ICOC, still carrying the weight of my past, still sorting through what I believed, and still surrounded by friends who were very much still in the church.
Beyond my own story, we also discuss the role that partners play in supporting their loved ones through deconstruction, healing, and rebuilding a life outside of a controlling religious group. Carly’s perspective as someone who wasn’t indoctrinated but walked alongside me as I untangled my beliefs adds a whole new layer to the conversation. What does it look like to be there for someone without fully understanding what they’ve been through? How can partners provide space, validation, and support while also maintaining their own perspectives?
What was it like for Carly to watch me process all of this in real time? What did she notice that I couldn’t see for myself? And from her perspective… was I in a cult?
Let’s talk about it.
Thank you for tuning in to this episode of Clemenz With a Z. Your support means the world to me and helps keep these important conversations going.
If you are a member, were a member, or know someone who was a member of the ICOC or ICC and would like to share your story about life in and out of the church, I’d love to hear from you. Together, we can continue exploring the question, “We were in a cult?”—and perhaps find some healing along the way. You can reach me via email at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com, or send me a DM on Instagram at the Clemenz With a Z podcast page.
As always, if you enjoy the podcast, please rate and review—it helps more people find these stories. And don’t forget: I’m just a channel, I ain’t the source.
If you would like to support the podcast financially please follow this link: https://gofund.me/7ebb0524
Until next time, take care of yourself, stay grateful, and keep growing. Peace!

EP 148 Suppress, Explode, Repeat: How I Learned to Stop Fighting Anger and Start Listening to It

For most of my life, I believed I was a calm person—until a therapist told me otherwise. This episode is about my journey with anger: from growing up in an environment where anger was seen as a sin, to suppressing it until it exploded, to finally learning how to sit with it, listen to it, and find healthier outlets. I talk about childhood, therapy, teaching boys about emotional space, and the things that help me process anger today—whether it’s working out, cold plunges, or mosh pits. If you’ve ever struggled with anger or felt like you weren’t allowed to express it, this episode is for you. Maybe anger isn’t the enemy. Maybe it just wants to be heard.
Thank you for tuning in to this episode of Clemenz With a Z. Your support means the world to me and helps keep these important conversations going.
If this episode resonated with you, if you’ve wrestled with anger, or if you’ve found your own way to navigate it, I’d love to hear from you. You can reach me via email at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com, or send me a DM on Instagram at the Clemenz With a Z podcast page.
If you enjoyed this episode, please take a moment to rate and review—it really helps more people find these stories and be part of this journey.
And remember: I’m just a channel, I ain’t the source.
If you would like to support the podcast financially please follow this link: https://gofund.me/7ebb0524
Until next time, take care of yourself, take care of your emotions—anger included—and keep growing. Peace!

EP 147 Juggling Glass Balls: What Are Your Priorities as a Parent?

In this episode of Clemenz With a Z, I dive into the powerful metaphor of glass and rubber balls to explore how we prioritize what matters most in life. I share personal reflections on how my passion for teaching, rigid routines, and inability to say “NO” left my family as the forgotten rubber balls—when they should have been my top priorities.
Through hard conversations, emotional wake-up calls, and the painful realization that I was spreading myself too thin, I learned that intentionality and honest reflection are key to protecting the fragile, irreplaceable parts of life. Join me as we discuss how to identify your own glass balls, reframe “NO” as a tool for protection, and continuously realign your life with what you truly value.
Thank you for tuning in to this episode of Clemenz With a Z. Your support means the world to me and helps keep these important conversations going. If you enjoyed this episode, please take a moment to rate and review—it really helps more people find these stories and be part of this journey.
If you would like to support the podcast financially please follow this link: https://gofund.me/7ebb0524
And remember: I’m just a channel, I ain’t the source.
Until next time, take care of yourself, stay grateful, and keep growing. Peace!

EP 146 Hold My Apple, I’m Finding Gratitude

Gratitude isn’t always easy, and it’s definitely not always obvious. Life moves fast, responsibilities pile up, and before we know it, we forget the small miracles holding us up every day. In this episode of Clemenz With a Z, I reflect on a poem by James A. Pearson (The Wilderness That Bears Your Name) that reminded me to pause and see what’s been there all along: the rising sun, the steady ground beneath my feet, and the strength we gain when we let ourselves be held by life’s quiet gifts. Join me as I explore what it means to slow down, stay grateful, and find light even when the world feels overwhelming
Thank you for tuning in to this episode of Clemenz With a Z. Your support means the world to me and helps keep these important conversations going. If you enjoyed this episode, please take a moment to rate and review—it really helps more people find these stories and be part of this journey.
And remember: I’m just a channel, I ain’t the source.
If you liked the poem I read today, it’s by James A. Pearson and comes from the book The Wilderness That Bears Your Name.  If you would like to purchase it, here's a link: https://a.co/d/2nF8Djr
If you would like to support the podcast financially please follow this link: https://gofund.me/7ebb0524
Until next time, take care of yourself, stay grateful, and keep growing. Peace!

EP 145 Black Coffee, Camo Bibles, and Sissy Sticks: Faith, Fragile Manhood, and the Things That Shouldn’t Matter

In this latest episode of Clemenz With a "Z":  "Black Coffee, Camo Bibles, and Sissy Sticks: Faith, Fragile Manhood, and the Things That Shouldn’t Matter", I dive into the unspoken (and often ridiculous) rules about masculinity that churches and culture push on men. From black coffee and camo Bibles to the fear of looking "soft," I explore how these narrow definitions shape our identities and why they fall apart under real scrutiny. Through personal stories, faith, and a search for a fuller, healthier masculinity, this episode challenges what it really means to be a man—and asks: what if we let go of the performance and embraced something real?
As always, thank you for your continued support and if you like what you hear please rate and review!  If you don't remember, I'm just a channel, I ain't the source.
If you would like to support the podcast financially please follow this link: https://gofund.me/7ebb0524
Until next time, take care, stay grateful, and keep growing. Peace!

EP 144 We Were In a Cult? Ann's Story

In this latest episode of Clemenz With a "Z", part of our ongoing We Were In a Cult? series, we sit down with Ann to explore her remarkable story. Born in Northern China and later moving to Singapore, Ann’s path eventually led her to the ICOC, a church she believed would offer community and purpose but instead brought manipulation and control. Through courage and vulnerability, Ann shares the emotional and spiritual journey of her life within the ICOC and the pivotal moments that helped her break free. This conversation is a powerful reminder of the resilience of the human spirit and the importance of finding your voice. Whether you’re seeking understanding, connection, or healing, Ann’s story will leave a lasting impression.
If you are a member, were a member, or know someone who was a member of the ICOC or the ICC and would like to share your story of your life in and out of the church and help us maybe get closer to answering the question "we were in a cult?", and maybe find some healing please contact me via email at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com or you can DM via Instagram at the "Clemenz With a "Z" podcast" Instagram page. 
As always, thank you for your continued support and if you like what you hear please rate and review!  If you don't remember, I'm just a channel, I ain't the source.
If you would like to support the podcast financially please follow this link: https://gofund.me/7ebb0524
Until next time, take care, stay grateful, and keep growing. Peace!