Clemenz With a ”Z” Podcast

EP 191 Kmart, Paintball, and the Gospel According to Pressure: A Chapter From This Was Supposed To Be The Place

What does it really mean to “share your faith”? In the church I grew up in, it didn’t mean storytelling or connection—it meant recruitment. Evangelism wasn’t optional; it was expected, required, and tracked. In this episode of This Was Supposed to Be the Place, I unpack the intense pressure we felt to bring people to church, the shame tied to “not producing fruit,” and the way our relationships became tools for expansion. From Kmart training days to paintball invites to spiritual performance disguised as purpose, I trace how sharing faith got twisted into selling it. And then I share the moment it all flipped—sitting in a friend’s truck, drinking a beer, having a real conversation with no script and no strings. It turns out, maybe that’s what sharing your faith was supposed to look like all along.
If this one hit close to home—if you ever felt like your worth was tied to how many people you “brought out,” or if you still carry that little voice saying, you didn’t do enough—just know: you’re not alone. And you’re not crazy.
Some of us were just kids trying to survive youth group politics and Kmart evangelism while pretending we were saving the world.  If you want to reach out in any way, you can do that at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com or DM me at the Clemenz With a Z instagram page.  
As always, if you enjoy the podcast, please rate and review—it helps more people find these stories. And don’t forget: I’m just a channel, I ain’t the source.
You can support the show by visiting clemenzwithaz.com, and grabbing something cool from the shop, subscribing to my Substack, or contributing to the GoFundMe here:  https://gofund.me/7ebb0524.  Every little bit helps keep this going, and I’m so grateful for it.
Until next time, take care of yourself, stay grateful, and keep growing. Peace!

EP: 190 We Were In a Cult? Tara's Story

n this powerful episode of We Were In a Cult?, I sit down with Tara to unpack the layers of pain, survival, and spiritual manipulation she experienced—both before and during her time in the ICOC. Tara speaks openly about growing up in a home marked by abuse and instability, and how that history made her vulnerable to the church’s promises of love, family, and transformation. This conversation is raw, honest, and at times deeply unsettling. But it’s also brave—and necessary. If you've ever wondered how high-control religious groups prey on people’s wounds and rewrite their stories, Tara’s voice brings that reality into sharp, unflinching focus. Trigger warning: This episode contains discussion of childhood abuse and trauma.
If you are a member, were a member, or know someone who was a member of the ICOC or ICC and would like to share your story about life in and out of the church, I’d love to hear from you. Together, we can continue exploring the question, “We were in a cult?”—and perhaps find some healing along the way. You can reach me via email at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com, or send me a DM on Instagram at the Clemenz With a Z podcast page.
As always, if you enjoy the podcast, please rate and review—it helps more people find these stories. And don’t forget: I’m just a channel, I ain’t the source.
You can support the show by visiting clemenzwithaz.com, and grabbing something cool from the shop, subscribing to my Substack, or contributing to the GoFundMe here:  https://gofund.me/7ebb0524.  Every little bit helps keep this going, and I’m so grateful for it.
Until next time, take care of yourself, stay grateful, and keep growing. Peace!

EP 189 Cherry-Picked Manhood: On Warrior Sermons, Selective Literalism, and the Men We’re Actually Forming

What does it mean to be a man of God and who gets to decide? In this episode, I take a hard look at how churches and Christian influencers are shaping men under the banner of “biblical masculinity.” From warrior sermons to purity culture to performative strength disguised as holiness, we’re naming what’s really going on: cherry-picked verses, selective literalism, and a whole lot of ego. Recorded during Men’s Health Month and following my Father’s Day sermon response, this conversation asks what kind of men we’re actually forming, and whether Jesus would even be welcome in the version of manhood being preached.
If this episode resonated with you, don’t forget to like, subscribe, rate, and review the podcast and share it with someone who might need to hear it. You can also support the show by visiting clemenzwithaz.com, subscribing to my Substack, or contributing to the GoFundMe here:  https://gofund.me/7ebb0524.
Peace Y'all!

EP 188 This Isn’t the Hill: A straight man’s honest reflection on queerness, faith, and the battles that don’t need to be fought.

So… yeah. It’s Pride Month.
And here I am, a straight, white, former church kid debating whether or not to even say anything. Because let’s be honest: the internet doesn’t need another straight guy weighing in on LGBTQ+ stuff like he’s doing anyone a favor. I didn’t want this to be some performative, “Look at me, I’m a good ally” thing. That’s not what I’m after. That’s never been the point of this podcast.
But I also don’t want to stay quiet.
I grew up in a church that had plenty to say about gay people, and none of it kind. I learned to hide. I learned to shrink. I learned to clip my wings and call it obedience. And I’ve seen what that kind of faith does to people who are just trying to be themselves. Especially kids.
So no, I’m not trying to center myself. I’m not part of the LGBTQ+ community. But I have been part of the silence. And honestly? I’m tired of pretending that’s somehow more respectful.
This episode isn’t polished. It’s not perfect. It’s not a mic drop or a manifesto.It’s just me sitting in the tension, saying something I probably should’ve said a long time ago.
Because out of all the hills I could die on…this isn’t one of them.
If any of this resonates with you, I’d love to hear from you. You can shoot me an email at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com or find me on Instagram @clemenzwithaz.
And if you want to support the show, keep it going you can head over to the gofundme here: https://gofund.me/7ebb0524, or grab something from the shop at clemenzwithaz.com (there’s some good stuff in there).
Also, if you haven’t already, do the whole like/rate/subscribe thingit seriously helps more than you know. And you can read more of what I’m writing over on clemenzwithaz.substack.com if you want to keep following along.

Rooms We Rented, Stories We Kept: A chapter from This Was Supposed to Be the Place

What happens when your childhood faith is built in hotel ballrooms, conference centers, and synagogues that weren’t actually yours? In this episode, I take you back into the strange, sacred spaces where I grew up trying to worship, belong, and stay out of trouble (usually). From stuffing my pockets with leftover banquet snacks to watching Beavis and Butthead after Wednesday night devos, this is a story about wandering faith, borrowed spaces, and the building we almost bought—but thankfully didn’t. There’s no tidy lesson here. Just memories. A little sugar. And the quiet question that still lingers: What makes a place holy—when it was never really ours to begin with?
Thanks for listening to Clemenz With a "Z." If this episode made you laugh, remember, or feel a little less alone in your own story, I’d love it if you’d take a second to like, subscribe, rate, or leave a review—it helps more than you know.
If you want to support the show and keep these conversations going, you can head over to clemenzwithaz.com. You’ll find ways to give, grab some merch, you can also donate at https://gofund.me/7ebb0524, or check out the weekly Substack  devotionals I’ve been writing. Every little bit helps fuel this work—and I’m grateful you’re here.

EP 186: The Weight Was Never Yours, A Father’s Day Rebellion Against Performed Masculinity

This episode started with a bench press, outside a church before a father's day service.Yep. That actually happened. But it’s not just about one pastor or one sermon, it’s about the weight men keep being told to carry. In The Weight Was Never Yours, I respond to a Father’s Day message built on fear, performance, and pressure, and explore how that kind of faith doesn’t free men, it breaks them. This is a call to let go of the false scripts, the macho theater, and the fragile strength dressed up as godliness. If you’ve ever felt like manhood was a test you were failing, this episode is for you. There’s a better way. A freer one. And it doesn’t start with a bench press,it starts with honesty.
If you’re a dad, a partner, a man in the middle of unlearning, or even if you’re just someone who’s been affected by the weight men are told to carry: I hope this gave you some language. Or maybe just a little relief. A crack in the armor where something softer can breathe.You don’t have to perform your way into worth. You don’t have to lead like a soldier to be holy. You don’t have to carry it alone.If this resonated, there’s more where that came from. You can find other episodes of Clemenz With a “Z” wherever you listen to podcasts. Or head over to my Substack for devotionals, reflections, and the kind of spiritual wrestling they never let us do in Sunday school.Want to reach out or share your story? You can always message me on Instagram @clemenzwithaz or send an email through my website, clemenzwithaz.com. And if you want to support this work, whether it’s a one-time tip at gofund.me/7ebb0524 buying a sticker at my website:  clemenzwithaz.com, or just spreading the word there’s info for that on the site too.Until next time, Be soft where you used to be scared. Be honest where you used to hide. And be strong enough to rest.

EP 185: Paying Off the Debt of Idiots? A meditation on manhood, silence, and what it feels like to have emotions in a world built by louder men.

What does it mean to be a man in a world built by louder men?In this episode, I wrestle with the emotional weight so many of us carry:  the silence, the shame, the inherited scripts we never asked for. Paying Off the Debt of Idiots? isn’t a lecture on masculinity; it’s a meditation. On what I’ve seen. On what I’ve felt. On what it means to speak honestly in a world that often punishes men for trying. From my years as a teacher to the quiet grief I’ve witnessed in boys and grown men alike, this one’s about making space,for tenderness, for feeling, for change. If you’ve ever felt caught between who you were told to be and who you really are, this one’s for you.
If you felt something while listening, if it stirred something up, if it made you uncomfortable, or maybe made you feel a little less alone I’d love to hear from you. You can reach out anytime at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com or DM me on Instagram at @clemenzwithazpodcast.
And hey, if you’re a man listening to this and you’ve ever felt this tension, this ache, this minefield of trying to feel something without being punished for it… I see you. You’re not broken. You’re not weak. You’re just human. And you’re not alone.
If this episode meant something to you, please consider rating and reviewing the show it helps more people find these conversations, and maybe find themselves in them.
if you want to support the podcast in a tangible way, you can head to clemenzwithaz.com to grab some merch, or you can donate here at gofund.me/7ebb0524,
As always, I’m just a channel,I ain’t the source. But if this message moved through me in a way that helped you… then maybe that’s what I was here for.
Until next time Keep showing up. Keep staying open. And maybe, just maybe, keep making space for the next generation to speak before they have to heal.

EP 184 I Thought This Was the Thing (It Wasn’t): A love story with teaching—and a slow, messy breakup.

When the Thing Isn’t the Thing (But Still Shapes You) is one of the most personal stories I’ve shared on the podcast. It’s about my journey into teaching—a path I thought was my calling, my purpose, my thing. From college classrooms to student teaching to working in actual schools, I kept telling myself I was where I was supposed to be. I had poured years of my life, money, passion, and heart into becoming a teacher. But slowly, and then all at once, I started to realize something didn’t fit.
This episode is about that quiet unraveling. About being the only guy in rooms full of people who didn’t quite understand me. About trying to make space for creativity, empathy, and connection in a system that seemed more focused on test scores, tidy paperwork, and compliance. It’s about the burnout that comes when you keep trying to be something for everyone else while your own heart is begging you to stop. And it’s about the moment I had to ask: What if the thing I thought was “the thing”... just isn’t?
If you’ve ever held on too long, ignored the signs, or questioned whether walking away means you failed—this episode is for you. Because sometimes the most painful lessons are also the ones that shape us the most.
You can reach me at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com or shoot me a DM on Instagram at the Clemenz With a Z podcast page.
If you’re enjoying the podcast, please take a moment to rate and review. It helps more people find their way to these conversations, and maybe find a little peace, too.
And if you’d like to support the show,you can donate at gofund.me/7ebb0524,or grab something meaningful from clemenzwithaz.comto help keep this space alive.
Peace!