Clemenz With a ”Z” Podcast

EP 175 You Don’t Have to Chase It: Why the Kingdom of God Was Never Out There

There’s a verse in Luke where Jesus says, “The kingdom of God is within you.” I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. Not because it’s complicated, but because it’s so simple—and somehow, still so hard to believe. This episode is about that struggle. About what it means to stop chasing something you already have. I talk about rest, about the creation story, about what I learned from The BEMA Podcast, and about why so many of us—including me—still feel like we have to prove our worth to God, to others, and to ourselves. If you’ve ever felt like you’re not enough, like you’ve missed something, or like you’re just tired of the hustle—this one’s for you.
If this episode stirred something in you—if you’re wrestling with what it means to stop striving, to come home to yourself, to believe you’re already enough— just know you’re not alone.
I’m right here, walking it too.
If you want to reach out, share your story, or just connect, you can find me at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com, or DM me on Instagram at the Clemenz With a Z podcast page.
If you enjoyed this conversation, it would mean a lot if you’d rate and review the show—it helps other people find their way here too.
If you want to support the show financially, follow this link: https://gofund.me/7ebb0524. or snag something cool from clemenzwithaz.com to help keep the fire lit.
Until next time— breathe deep, trust the quiet, and remember: the kingdom is already within you.
Peace.

EP 174 This Was Supposed To Be the Place #9 "When the Bible Becomes an Idol"

For a long time, I thought the Bible was supposed to fix everything. It was the answer key. The rulebook. The voice of God, clear and final. That’s how it was taught to me in the ICOC—the International Churches of Christ—where the Bible wasn’t just important, it was everything. We studied it, memorized it, submitted to it. It was presented as perfect, literal, inerrant—and if your life didn’t match up with it, you were the problem. But what happens when you start to question the way you've been taught to read it? What happens when the Bible becomes less of a guide and more of a god? In this episode of This Was Supposed to Be the Place, I dive into the idolatry of the Bible—how we elevate it, weaponize it, and often miss the deeper point it was always trying to make. I’m not a scholar. I’m not a theologian. I’m just someone who lived it, who got burned by it, and who’s trying to come back to it with softer eyes. This isn’t about throwing the Bible out. It’s about taking it off the pedestal and asking what kind of relationship we were actually meant to have with it.
If this resonated, if you’ve got thoughts, pushback, or your own story—I’d love to hear from you. You can email me at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com or send a DM on Instagram at @clemenzwithaz.
If you want to support the show financially, follow this link: https://gofund.me/7ebb0524. or snag something cool from clemenzwithaz.com to help keep the fire lit.
And as always: I’m just a channel. I ain’t the source.

EP 173: God’s Design? Questioning Roles, Reclaiming Partnership, and Letting Love Be the Blueprint

In this episode of Clemenz With a Z, I take you inside a sermon that hit me sideways — one of those messages that sounds “biblical” on the surface, but leaves your gut twisted underneath. The pastor said men and women are “equal… but not equivalent,” and that women were designed by God to be helpers while men hold headship. And that’s where everything started to unravel. I share how that message clashed with not only my lived experience — as a former elementary school teacher, a husband, and a dad — but also with the marriage I’m in, the family I’m raising, and the partnership I watched my parents model. This episode isn’t about rebellion — it’s about relationship. It’s about pulling back the curtain on so-called “God-designed roles,” and asking what happens when we stop chasing hierarchy and start building love, mutuality, and something real.
Your support keeps these honest conversations going. If you’re new here, or if you’ve been riding with me for a while—thank you. Please take a second to rate, review, and share the podcast if it spoke to you. It helps more people find these stories and moments of reflection.
If you want to support the show financially, follow this link: https://gofund.me/7ebb0524. or snag something cool from clemenzwithaz.com to help keep the fire lit.
And as always— I’m just a channel. I ain’t the source.

EP 172: We Were In a Cult? Eugene's Story

This episode is another part of the We Were in a Cult? series here on the Clemenz With a "Z" Podcast. I sit down with Eugene, who joined me all the way from Russia to share his story of life inside—and beyond—the International Churches of Christ. In this series, I sit down with former members of the ICOC and ICC to listen to their stories, make sense of what we experienced, and hopefully find some healing along the way. Eugene was a freshman in Saint Petersburg in the early 90s when he first encountered the ICOC. What followed was a years-long journey of devotion, disillusionment, and ultimately, healing. Despite the distance, Eugene’s experience mirrors so many of the same patterns we’ve heard throughout this series: control disguised as discipleship, fear wrapped in love, and the long, quiet work of reclaiming your sense of self after leaving a high-control group. This conversation is a powerful reminder that the impact of the ICOC wasn’t confined to one country—it was global. And so is the healing.
If you are a member, were a member, or know someone who was a member of the ICOC or ICC and would like to share your story about life in and out of the church, I’d love to hear from you. Together, we can continue exploring the question, “We were in a cult?”—and perhaps find some healing along the way. You can reach me via email at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com, or send me a DM on Instagram at the Clemenz With a Z podcast page.
As always, if you enjoy the podcast, please rate and review—it helps more people find these stories. And don’t forget: I’m just a channel, I ain’t the source.
If you’d like to support the podcast financially please follow this link: https://gofund.me/7ebb0524
Also—if you’d like to support the podcast financially, you can head over to clemenzwithaz.com and grab a sticker or something cool from the shop. Every little bit helps keep this going, and I’m so grateful for it.
Until next time, take care of yourself, stay grateful, and keep growing. Peace!

EP 171 In a Cabin in the Woods: Tending the Fire, Facing the Fear, and Finally Getting Quiet

Lately, I felt this deep pull to get away—not to escape life, but to find something underneath all the noise. So I packed up and took my first solo trip to a cabin that’s been in my wife’s family for generations, tucked right up against a river. No Wi-Fi. No distractions. Just silence, cold water, firewood, and whatever was waiting for me in the quiet. In this episode, I share what it was like to face my nerves, to find stillness in the middle of fear, and to reconnect with something I didn’t know I’d been missing. There’s a bald eagle involved. There’s a soap-in-the-river moment. There’s a whole lot of wrestling with what it means to "find your wild." And maybe, just maybe, an invitation for you to find yours too.
Thanks for tuning in to this episode of Clemenz With a Z. If this episode stirred something in you—if you’ve been feeling the pull toward stillness, space, or your own version of the wild—I hope you’ll listen to that. Even if it’s just five minutes of quiet today. Start there.
Your support keeps these honest conversations going. If you’re new here, or if you’ve been riding with me for a while—thank you. Please take a second to rate, review, and share the podcast if it spoke to you. It helps more people find these stories and moments of reflection.
If you want to support the show financially, follow this link: https://gofund.me/7ebb0524. or snag something cool from clemenzwithaz.com to help keep the fire lit.
And as always— I’m just a channel. I ain’t the source.

EP 170: The Hard Work of Healing: A Deeper Conversation with Alan Allard

In this episode of Clemenz With a Z, I sit down once again with Alan Allard for a deeper, more honest conversation about the hard work of healing after religious trauma.If you caught our first conversation (EP 126: A Story of Healing with Alan Allard), you know how much insight Alan brings — and this time, we dive even deeper into what it really takes to rebuild your life, your beliefs, and your sense of self after high-control religion.
We talk about everything from the danger of certainty, to how toxic beliefs can trap us in shame and self-doubt long after we leave the system. Alan also shares the three core keys he believes are essential for moving from surviving to truly thriving — and why real healing isn’t about finding the "right" answers, but about learning how to trust yourself again.
Alan Allard is a former psychotherapist and an expert in happiness, human performance, and how to empower agency and well-being after trauma, abuse, and adversity. He works with individuals, couples, churches, and organizations who want to thrive.To find out more about Alan's work and get his contact information, visit: www.alanallard.com
Whether you're just starting your journey or you've been walking it for a while, I hope this conversation encourages you to keep going — and reminds you: you're not broken. You're rebuilding.
If you are a member, were a member, or know someone who was a member of the ICOC or ICC and would like to share your story about life in and out of the church, I’d love to hear from you. Together, we can keep exploring the question, “We were in a cult?” — and maybe find a little more healing along the way. You can reach out to me by email at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com, or send me a DM on Instagram at the Clemenz With a Z podcast page.
As always, if you enjoy the podcast, please rate and review — it really does help more people find these stories. And don’t forget: I’m just a channel. I ain’t the source.
If you want to support the show financially, follow this link: https://gofund.me/7ebb0524. Or — if you want to grab a sticker or something cool from the shop, head over to clemenzwithaz.com. Every little bit helps keep this going, and I’m seriously so grateful.
Until next time — be gentle with yourself, stay open, and remember: you’re not broken. You're rebuilding. Take care. Stay grateful. Keep growing. Peace.

EP 169 Backstage Coffee, Punk Rock Kindness, and Letting People Be People: The Quiet Gospel

What happens when the people who preach love don’t live it—and the ones you least expect to show up with kindness, do? In this episode, I tell the story of two backstage coffee gigs—one at a major Christian music festival, the other at the Warped Tour—and the surprising lessons they taught me about generosity, humility, and the quiet kind of gospel that doesn’t need a spotlight. It’s not about bashing anyone. It’s about wrestling with expectations, letting people be human, and learning to find sacred moments in the places we never thought to look.
Thanks for tuning in to Clemenz With a Z. If this one hit something real in you—if you've ever felt let down by the people or places you thought were supposed to be holy—I hope you know you’re not alone.
Maybe the real gospel is quieter than we were taught. Maybe it’s just presence, eye contact, kindness—no strings attached.
If you want to support the show,  follow this link: https://gofund.me/7ebb0524or head on over to clemenzwithaz.com—grab a sticker, share an episode, or leave a review wherever you listen. And as always… tip your baristas. They’re watching.

EP 168 This Was Supposed to Be the Place #8: The Cross, The Crowd, and the Line We Don't Talk about

In this episode of Clemenz With a Z, I continue my series on idolatry in the church—but this time, I turn the lens toward something that feels almost untouchable: the cross itself. Growing up, the cross was everything—sacred, central, and surrounded by emotion. But lately, I’ve been wrestling with what it’s actually calling us to do. Is it about guilt? Worship? Performance? Or something deeper? From a deeply theatrical Good Friday service to the theology I’ve inherited—and now questioned—I’m unpacking how my view of the cross has changed, and what it might mean to follow Jesus without idolizing Him. This one’s not about answers. It’s about naming what no longer sits right… and maybe, just maybe, finding something more honest in the process.
Thank you for tuning in to this episode of Clemenz With a Z. If you’ve made it this far, thank you for sitting in the tension with me. This one wasn’t about clear answers—it was about asking better questions. About the cross. About worship. About what it really means to follow.
If you are a member, were a member, or know someone who was a part of the ICOC or ICC and you’d like to share your story about life in and out of the church, I’d love to hear from you. Together, we can keep exploring the question: “Were we in a cult?” —and maybe, just maybe, find some healing along the way.
You can reach me at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com or send me a DM on Instagram at the Clemenz With a Z podcast page.
And as always, if you’re enjoying the podcast, please rate and review—it helps more people find these stories and conversations. And don’t forget: I’m just a channel. I ain’t the source.
If you’d like to support the podcast financially, you can follow this link: https://gofund.me/7ebb0524
Or head to clemenzwithaz.com and grab a sticker or something cool from the shop—every little bit helps keep this going, and I’m truly grateful for it.
Until next time— take care of yourself, stay grateful, and keep growing. Peace.