EP 160 This Was Supposed To Be The Place #4: Faith, Fear, and the God I Was Taught to Obey Unpacking obedience, manipulation, and the slow work of healing.

In this episode of Clemenz With a Z, I open up about the fear-based faith I was raised in—specifically within the International Churches of Christ (ICOC)—and how it shaped my view of God, love, obedience, and myself. From childhood memories of fearing hell, to moments of spiritual panic, guilt, and manipulation, this episode is a raw unpacking of what happens when fear becomes the foundation of belief.

But this isn’t just about the ICOC. I’m seeing the same fear-based messaging alive and well in churches today—from pulpits to podcasts, just dressed up in nicer language and cooler branding.

I talk about the day everything shifted—the moment I realized it wasn’t God I was afraid of, but people’s version of God. This is an episode about unlearning, about healing, and about daring to believe in a love that doesn’t punish.

Whether you’ve been part of the ICOC, another high-control church, or are just trying to untangle fear from faith, this one is for you.

Thank you for tuning in to this episode of Clemenz With a Z.
This one was personal. It was heavy. And it was necessary.

If you’ve ever been made to feel like fear was love…
Like obedience was the only way to be seen by God…
I just want to say—you’re not alone.

This episode came out of my own story,
but I know so many of you have lived through versions of this too.
And if you’ve got something to say,
if you’ve got a story of fear, faith, and figuring it out—
I’d love to hear it.

If you’re a member, former member, or know someone connected to the ICOC or ICC,
and you want to share what life was like inside—or outside—
please reach out.

Together, we’re still asking the question:
“Were we in a cult?”
But more than that…
we’re doing the work to heal from it.

You can email me at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com
or DM me on Instagram at the Clemenz With a Z podcast page.

And hey—if this episode moved you,
if it helped you name something,
or even made you feel less alone…
please rate and review the show.
It really does help these conversations reach the people who need them most.

If you would like to support the podcast financially please follow this link: https://gofund.me/7ebb0524

Until next time, take care of yourself, stay grateful, and keep growing. Peace!