EP 149 I asked my wife: "I was in a cult?"

Was I in a cult? That’s the question I’m exploring in this episode of Clemenz With a 'Z', but this time, I’m not answering it alone.

For this conversation, I’m sitting down with someone who has had a front-row seat to my entire journey—my wife, Carly. Unlike me, Carly didn’t grow up in a high-control religious group. She never had to question whether leaving a church meant leaving God. But she did witness me navigate that journey. In this episode, we talk about those first couple of years in our relationship—when I was fresh out of the ICOC, still carrying the weight of my past, still sorting through what I believed, and still surrounded by friends who were very much still in the church.

Beyond my own story, we also discuss the role that partners play in supporting their loved ones through deconstruction, healing, and rebuilding a life outside of a controlling religious group. Carly’s perspective as someone who wasn’t indoctrinated but walked alongside me as I untangled my beliefs adds a whole new layer to the conversation. What does it look like to be there for someone without fully understanding what they’ve been through? How can partners provide space, validation, and support while also maintaining their own perspectives?

What was it like for Carly to watch me process all of this in real time? What did she notice that I couldn’t see for myself? And from her perspective… was I in a cult?

Let’s talk about it.

Thank you for tuning in to this episode of Clemenz With a Z. Your support means the world to me and helps keep these important conversations going.

If you are a member, were a member, or know someone who was a member of the ICOC or ICC and would like to share your story about life in and out of the church, I’d love to hear from you. Together, we can continue exploring the question, “We were in a cult?”—and perhaps find some healing along the way. You can reach me via email at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com, or send me a DM on Instagram at the Clemenz With a Z podcast page.

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Until next time, take care of yourself, stay grateful, and keep growing. Peace!